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Many of us grew up with the romantic ideal of Prince Charming sweeping us off our feet and transporting us from our parents’ homes to life under his protective wing. Many of us went to college in pursuit of our M.R.S. and truly believed that life followed a prescribed order of operations: high school to college to marriage to children, followed by the magical bliss of “happily ever after.”
Then we learned (sometimes painfully) that this idea was indeed a fairy tale. Partnership is hard work, fertility isn’t promised, white picket fences are just wooden constructions, and forever sure is overwhelming.
I love hearing feel-good stories of couples who have stood the test of time. I love it even more when they share their personal secrets to romantic longevity: “Happy wife, happy life,” “Compromise is always part of the solution,” and “Listen more than you speak.” So much wisdom comes from commitment and from the pain and suffering that is often a part of sharing a life with someone you love, ’‘till death do us part."
The world has changed, though, and women and men everywhere are redefining love, families, and the good ol’ American Dream. They have found a way to have it all and do it their way — all in the name of love and happiness. These new, progressive relationships deserve celebrating, too. Here are some of their stories:.
Open Minds, Open Hearts
“Our relationship took a non-traditional turn after we left the high-control religious organization we were both born and raised in, where even our sex life wasn’t our own. The strict rules left me disconnected from my desires and at odds with my husband. The struggle to please both him and my faith was at such odds that I had become so disassociated from myself that I lost my sex drive almost entirely.
"We inevitably found ourselves at a crossroads: either find a way forward that worked for both of us or go our separate ways. Choosing us one more time, we questioned everything we had ever been taught about sex and relationships, and set out on a transformative journey of sexual exploration and self-discovery that ultimately brought us closer than ever before. Today, we consider ourselves ‘monogamish’ or consciously monogamous. We are mostly monogamous, but everything and anything is open to discussion. We believe relationships need space to grow and evolve, and we do our best to hold space for whatever that might look like in the future. By prioritizing honest communication and personal growth, we’ve built a relationship that works for us, free from outside expectations.” — Sherri, 47, Georgia
Loves Knows No Distance
“Having rented out my house and downsized into my Sprinter van early in the pandemic, I also expanded my ‘geographic distance’ on my dating apps from 25 to 250 miles. Well, be careful what you ask for! I met and fell in love with a beautiful spirit who lives a four-hour drive from me. The relationship has evolved over four years: We now spend a week together at her place, then take a week off during which we see others, then a week at my place, and another week off.
"To top it off, we co-adopted a pup from Baja, Mexico, who alternates between our two homes. With both of us AARP-age and having significant marriages/kids/divorces under our belts, neither of us is looking to recreate the past. Instead, we have sought to create our future as we would a piece of art, adding color and passion here and there … while we build new levels of trust and connection as a cornerstone of our relationship.” — Paul T., 60, Washington
Party of One
"I have always loved being single, but for the longest time, I thought I would change my mind [and long for a partner]. So many other people seem to be looking for ‘the one.’ At some point, though, I realized that single was who I really was and that was never going to change. Realizing this was transformative. It meant that I could totally commit to the single life. I love the freedom of having time to myself and my own place. I love spending time with as many people as I want to for as long as I want to, without some partner thinking that my time belongs to them. I love being able to make big, life-changing decisions on my own. As for potential romantic partners, no matter how I may feel about someone else, I am never going to want to organize my life around a romantic partner. I’m single at heart. Single is who I am. I’m 71 and I’m not going to change my mind!” — Bella, 71, California
May these stories serve as your daily reminder that there is no formula, no right or wrong way, and no blueprint that delivers the love you so desire and deserve. Keep your mind open, let your heart lead the way, and dare to create your own fairy tale.
Are you part of a non-traditional family? How's it going? Let us know in the comments below.
Tara Jacoby
Follow Article Topics: Relationships
